Rough Draft – Pregnancy
Unwanted pregnancy is a serious problem amongst women today. There are so many situations in which a woman gets pregnant without ever having wanted a child. There are so many unsafe places where helpless women get raped and have a child as a result. What woman would want that baby? The problem is, that unwanted child has to live in a difficult situation. There is either no father, a negligent mother, or both, and that child has to live with that as well.
In society today, women have options to handle an unwanted pregnancy. There is adoption, in which you give your child to a family that might not be able to have a child of their own. Another option is abortion, where you terminate your pregnancy altogether. In A Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, there is a good example of what could happen in the future. In the story, society has changed dramatically. Men are the rulers and women are meant to simply stand off to the side, raise babies, or serve the men. The futuristic novel is told from the point of view of Offred, a woman taken away from her family and friends all because she is capable of having children, unlike the Wives. This story represents what may happen in a few hundred years. We could never predict for sure, but what if forced pregnancy becomes the main focus in the future? In A Handmaid’s Tale, having a baby raises your status. Because of a lot of the Wives have lost their ability, the handmaids, such as Offred, are used only for their fertility. If they are unable to reproduce, they are sent away and a new woman is brought in. This book is a very feminist one, because it portrays the man as the enemy and women as the victims. In a way, that is generally the same as it is today. If a man gets a woman pregnant, how easily could he abandon her? The woman has to live with that pregnancy, she can never just run away.
In Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, pregnancy is a huge issue, but in a different way than you would expect. The people in this novel have no care for individuality or having an identity, therefore they create babies in test tubes, and make them all so similar that they don’t need names. They train humans for one job only, not giving them the option of doing what they want to do, and punish them at a very young age not to like flowers or music or anything that could encourage their individuality.
7 comments:
Good usage of rhetorical questions--much like the first mystery draft also used a rhetorical question. You work with questions well--consider doing so in more of a pattern--it may make a very effective transition or main point organization for you.
Avoid the unclear usage of "you"--it is mixed in with specifics from the books and other pronouns.
You as the writer seem to be discussing some of the problems from both books. Do the women all have a say or not in both books? Are they all forced? Is there really pregnancy in Brave New World?
Have you not covered a solution yet? It seems like this is the first part of the paper, but I am not sure if this is the very beginning or if it is the meat of the problem.
Good draft also for us to analyze, but could use a bit more different kinds of rhetoric as was done in draft #1. Good specific details from both books--but you had another week than draft #1 :))
You seem to have a thourough understanding of the two books you have read, and tied them in well. Try not to use as many pronouns, and I didn't notice a solutuion to the problem yet. Good draft so far though.
is this paper on pregnancy in general, or unwanted pregnancy? it is unclear. If it is on unwanted pregnancy, keep in mind that not all unwanted pregnancy's are forced, but some women get pregnant by being irresponsible and selfish. other than that, it is a good paper.
In the start you mentioned a few fixes to unwanted pregnancy. But like I said you just mentioned them and didn’t stress how to fix the problem. You also didn’t really say why unwanted pregnancy is a problem. I mean I understand it is, but why is it? Also I think your paper would be better if you related the books to everyday life. Like put yourself in Offred shoes. How can she fix the problem? And you didn’t say how Brave new world has a problem, you more or less just said what it’s about. You also never gave a solution to the problems in Brave New World.
You’re thoughts so far are really organized and it sounds like you’re on a good track.
I realize this is a rough draft, however there is absolutely no attention getting device, there are so many different ways to grab someone's attention with pregnancy, maybe a statistic, or quote would work. You may want to find a way to re-word "There are so many..." You repeat that two times in a row in the first paragraph. Is there a thesis? I know it's quite difficult to tell with the format of this website. This paper offers little solutions about the pregnancy issue besides abortion and adoption. There may be better options to add in as a solution as well, a different approach than the obvious maybe? You probably have a lot of other stuff to add, but all in all good start!
This is a solid rough draft. Although the paper is on pregnancy, the thoughts are a little scrambled and no solution has been proposed yet. Are you focusing on just unwanted pregnancy or pregnancy as a whole?Good start :]
I like how you relate your books to your problem and also bring in situations that we understand and have seen. I think in the begining when you talk about the situations an unwanted child can find themselves in I think that you should add that sometimes the mother can actually be a good mom and the child could have a good life. I would add that positive situation to the mix.
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